i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sext me about skeletons
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
