I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
