I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The uberlube is also flammable
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
