We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
