That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
