I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
