hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
