Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
