why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
