when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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