Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
