we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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