When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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