i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
