Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
