Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
