dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
