I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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