Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
