i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
