Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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