Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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