Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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