Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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