I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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