I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
