Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
