she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
