hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
