im having a threesome with these popsicles
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
