matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
