turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
