one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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