I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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