My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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