Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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