I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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