you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
