i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The power of my boobs compel you
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
