i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
