ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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