as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I could fuck to npr.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
