His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
