GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
