Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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