you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
