He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
