She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
