you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
