How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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