we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
3 2 1 whiskey
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
